Jason Vana: Becoming a Better Man

The Power of Resurrection →

Photo Credit: Matt Litt (Creative Commons)

I sat there in the dark, reflecting on what my life had become.

The passion I once had for ministry was gone. The desire to see young people around the world impacted for Christ almost non-existant.

Life had taken its toll on me.

I had been working a low-paying, demeaning job for almost three years. I sat there, day in and day out doing the work a college student used to do - and would get paid more for if they decided to work at Taco Bell. I applied for better positions within the company, only to be rejected…and required to train those who took the jobs I didn’t get.

My finances were shot. Surprisingly, it’s near impossible to live on $800 a month. My credit card debt, which used to be non-existent, was climbing. And it urked me. It was either go into debt, or starve. I chose the former.

Every month it was getting harder and harder to pay the bills - and I knew it was only a matter of time before I couldn’t pay my mortgage anymore.

Why am I still here?
Why am I trying to fight through this mess?
I’m not from this area. I have no ties here.
If God really wants me to keep doing ministry here, He needs to fork over the money. Or I’m out of here. And out of ministry. For good.

I curled back up on the bed as the depression set in.

Nothing’s ever going to change. My life will be like this forever - alone, miserable, and broke.

I needed a resurrection.

Read more and join the conversation!

The Power of Resurrection →

Photo Credit: Matt Litt (Creative Commons)

I sat there in the dark, reflecting on what my life had become.

The passion I once had for ministry was gone. The desire to see young people around the world impacted for Christ almost non-existant.

Life had taken its toll on me.

I had been working a low-paying, demeaning job for almost three years. I sat there, day in and day out doing the work a college student used to do - and would get paid more for if they decided to work at Taco Bell. I applied for better positions within the company, only to be rejected…and required to train those who took the jobs I didn’t get.

My finances were shot. Surprisingly, it’s near impossible to live on $800 a month. My credit card debt, which used to be non-existent, was climbing. And it urked me. It was either go into debt, or starve. I chose the former.

Every month it was getting harder and harder to pay the bills - and I knew it was only a matter of time before I couldn’t pay my mortgage anymore.

Why am I still here?
Why am I trying to fight through this mess?
I’m not from this area. I have no ties here.
If God really wants me to keep doing ministry here, He needs to fork over the money. Or I’m out of here. And out of ministry. For good.

I curled back up on the bed as the depression set in.

Nothing’s ever going to change. My life will be like this forever - alone, miserable, and broke.

I needed a resurrection.

Read more and join the conversation!

Sinful Betrayal →

Photo Credit: Flickr User Missional Volunteer (Creative Commons)

My nerves intensified as my time grew closer. I ran through my lines one more time, hoping, praying I wouldn’t forget what I supposed to say. Or, worse yet, my voice give out to make me sound like a pre-pubescent little boy.

I couldn’t believe how nervous I was. I can preach before crowds of hundreds and have full confidence that I won’t forget anything, won’t trip up in the middle of speaking, but put me in a drama with set lines and cue times…that’s a different story.

Why did I say yes to this again?

I felt my stomach flutter, I let out a quick prayer and before I knew it, the spotlight hit me.

There. There He is. He’s the one you want. The one off praying by Himself. Now the others, they’ll try to come up and make some kind of scene, but the one I kiss on the cheek, He’s the one you want. 30 pieces of silver, right? That’s what we agreed upon? 30 pieces? Forget about the rest. The one I kiss on the cheek, he’s the one you want.

I let out a sigh of relief and instantly started running through my next set of lines. That first part was easy. The next round coming up…they weren’t as easy to get out.

What have I done? What have I done? Was I so stupid to think…I’ve killed him? I’ve killed him! I’ve crucified Jesus.

I bowed my head as the spotlight left me, relieved to have gotten through my lines without any mistakes. I sat there in silence, in the dark, waiting for the rest to finish.

When the time came, I ducked backstage…and fought back the tears.

I didn’t want to play the man who betrayed Jesus. I didn’t find any similarity between him and myself. Until I heard that still, small voice.

You betray me every time you sin.

Read more and join the conversation!

Sinful Betrayal →

Photo Credit: Flickr User Missional Volunteer (Creative Commons)

My nerves intensified as my time grew closer. I ran through my lines one more time, hoping, praying I wouldn’t forget what I supposed to say. Or, worse yet, my voice give out to make me sound like a pre-pubescent little boy.

I couldn’t believe how nervous I was. I can preach before crowds of hundreds and have full confidence that I won’t forget anything, won’t trip up in the middle of speaking, but put me in a drama with set lines and cue times…that’s a different story.

Why did I say yes to this again?

I felt my stomach flutter, I let out a quick prayer and before I knew it, the spotlight hit me.

There. There He is. He’s the one you want. The one off praying by Himself. Now the others, they’ll try to come up and make some kind of scene, but the one I kiss on the cheek, He’s the one you want. 30 pieces of silver, right? That’s what we agreed upon? 30 pieces? Forget about the rest. The one I kiss on the cheek, he’s the one you want.

I let out a sigh of relief and instantly started running through my next set of lines. That first part was easy. The next round coming up…they weren’t as easy to get out.

What have I done? What have I done? Was I so stupid to think…I’ve killed him? I’ve killed him! I’ve crucified Jesus.

I bowed my head as the spotlight left me, relieved to have gotten through my lines without any mistakes. I sat there in silence, in the dark, waiting for the rest to finish.

When the time came, I ducked backstage…and fought back the tears.

I didn’t want to play the man who betrayed Jesus. I didn’t find any similarity between him and myself. Until I heard that still, small voice.

You betray me every time you sin.

Read more and join the conversation!

Hope in Darkness →

Photo Credit: LaPrimaDonna (Creative Commons)

“When he had received the drink, Jesus said, ‘It is finished.’ With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.”
John 19:30

On Friday, many will find themselves in special services, reliving the events and celebrating the freedom from sin found through Christ’s death. We rejoice in these days, thanking Christ for what He did and go as far as calling it Good.

But to the original disciples, Friday was anything but good.

At that point in the story, they didn’t understand the need for Jesus to die. They didn’t realize it was all part of God’s redemptive plan. They didn’t know His death was only temporary, and He was going to come back to life in a few days.

Friday was dark.

Read more and join the conversation!

Hope in Darkness →

Photo Credit: LaPrimaDonna (Creative Commons)

“When he had received the drink, Jesus said, ‘It is finished.’ With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.”
John 19:30

On Friday, many will find themselves in special services, reliving the events and celebrating the freedom from sin found through Christ’s death. We rejoice in these days, thanking Christ for what He did and go as far as calling it Good.

But to the original disciples, Friday was anything but good.

At that point in the story, they didn’t understand the need for Jesus to die. They didn’t realize it was all part of God’s redemptive plan. They didn’t know His death was only temporary, and He was going to come back to life in a few days.

Friday was dark.

Read more and join the conversation!

Experiencing Resurrection →

“I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.”
Philippians 3:10-11

A few days ago, Christians around the world gathered to celebrate Easter - that time of year when we remember Christ’s resurrection from the dead and what it means for us today. We went to church services, gathered with family to share a meal, thanked Christ for His death and resurrection, and indulged in the luxury we gave up during Lent.

It is a pretty powerful day in the Christian calendar.

But then Monday rolled around, and we were back to life as usual.

No sign of new life. None of the excitement of Resurrection Sunday. No more exuberant celebration, Facebook status messages exclaiming that He is risen, or inviting our friends and family to church. Just back to our everyday tasks as if Sunday had been like any other day.

We think Easter is all about celebrating something that happened 2,000 years ago.

Paul had a different view.

READ MORE…

Experiencing Resurrection →

“I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.”
Philippians 3:10-11

A few days ago, Christians around the world gathered to celebrate Easter - that time of year when we remember Christ’s resurrection from the dead and what it means for us today. We went to church services, gathered with family to share a meal, thanked Christ for His death and resurrection, and indulged in the luxury we gave up during Lent.

It is a pretty powerful day in the Christian calendar.

But then Monday rolled around, and we were back to life as usual.

No sign of new life. None of the excitement of Resurrection Sunday. No more exuberant celebration, Facebook status messages exclaiming that He is risen, or inviting our friends and family to church. Just back to our everyday tasks as if Sunday had been like any other day.

We think Easter is all about celebrating something that happened 2,000 years ago.

Paul had a different view.

READ MORE…

Hope is Coming →

“Therefore many of the Jews who had come to visit Mary, and had seen what Jesus did, believed in him.” John 11:45

This week, many Christians will find themselves in special services, reliving the events and celebrating the freedom from sin found through Christ’s death. We rejoice in these days, thanking Christ for what He did and go as far as calling it Good.

But to the first disciples, this week was anything but good.

They didn’t understand the need for Jesus to die. They didn’t realize it was all part of God’s redemptive plan. They didn’t know that His death was only temporary, and that He was going to come back to life in a few days.

To them, Friday was dark.
And Saturday was empty.

READ MORE…

Hope is Coming →

“Therefore many of the Jews who had come to visit Mary, and had seen what Jesus did, believed in him.” John 11:45

This week, many Christians will find themselves in special services, reliving the events and celebrating the freedom from sin found through Christ’s death. We rejoice in these days, thanking Christ for what He did and go as far as calling it Good.

But to the first disciples, this week was anything but good.

They didn’t understand the need for Jesus to die. They didn’t realize it was all part of God’s redemptive plan. They didn’t know that His death was only temporary, and that He was going to come back to life in a few days.

To them, Friday was dark.
And Saturday was empty.

READ MORE…